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colin
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Posted 19/10/2010 11:24:28
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1. In 1843 John Callcot Horseley was the first person to design what?
CHRISTMAS CARD
2. Which England cricket captain was born on Christmas Eve 1932 (114 caps between 54 and 75)?
COLIN COWDREY
3. Which carol contains the lines "Be near me lord Jesus, I ask thee to stay
"AWAY IN A MANGER
4. Which comic genius died on Christmas Day 1977 in Switzerland aged 88?
CHARLIE CHAPLIN
5. Who had a Christmas No 1 hit with Lilly The Pink in 1968 ?
THE SCAFFOLD
6. What artistic competition was held for the first time at Cardigan castle on Christmas day 1176?
EISTEDDFOD
7. Kenny Everett was born on Christmas Day 1944 in which English city?
LIVERPOOL
8. Where in London is there a traditional swim in icy waters on Christmas Day?
HYDE PARK
9. What famous article was stolen from Westminster Abbey on Christmas day 1950?
STONE OF SCONE
10. Which sign of the Zodiac does Christmas day fall under?
CAPRICORN
11. What is the popular name of the white flowered hellebore which blooms from December to February?
CHRISTMAS ROSE
12. Two acts have had a No 1 with Mary's Boy Child name them both?
BONEY M / HARRY BELAFONTE
13. Two of Santa's Reindeers are called Donner and Blitzen what are their names translated into English?
THUNDER & LIGHTENING
14. Who in the 19th century is credited with introducing Christmas Trees to this country?
PRINCE ALBERT
15. Which western explorer discovered Christmas Island in 1777?
JAMES COOK
16. Which country has donated the Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square since 1947?
NORWAY
17. What is the date of Twelfth Night?
6 JANUARY
18. Who composed the song White Christmas?
IRVING BERLIN
19. In the cartoon who did the voice over for Robbie the Reindeer?
HARRY ENFIELD
20. What would you do to a chestnut to make it a Marron Glace?
COAT IT IN SUGAR
21. Which plant has the Latin name Viscum Album?
MISTLETOE
22. The King George VI chase is held on Boxing Day at which racecourse?
KEMPTON PARK
23. Who invented the Christmas Cracker and his name is still associated with there manufacture?
TOM SMITH
24. The shrine of Magi is said to hold the bones of the 3 wise men, in which German city would you find it?
COLOGNE
25. Which saint is associated with Father Christmas?
ST NICHOLAS
26. True or False - Christmas island is so named because it was discovered on Christmas Day?
TRUE
27. True or False - Christmas day has been celebrated on the 25th December since AD158?
FALSE - AD336
28. True or False - The majority of Christmas customs have their origins in the Roman festival of saturnalia?
TRUE
29. True or False - Bethlehem is Hebrew for house of bread?
TRUE
30. It is a traditional at Christmas in Devon to burn a decorated bundle of Hay?
FALSE - A Decorated Faggot!
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Tom Cherup
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Posted 22/10/2010 17:42:03
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The Haircut
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Graham6573
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Posted 25/10/2010 23:29:11
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Last Active: 25/10/2010 23:26:12
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Thanks Colin,I'd all but given up hope! Not quite the corny Christmas Cracker Quiz I had in mind, but it will get me by this year. Any further offerings will be greatly appreciated!
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RoughAshlar
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Posted 29/10/2010 05:08:31
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Seeing that Halloween will be upon us soon, please allow me to present you with this groaner:
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe....as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:
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"Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
|O| IG - Lodge Ku-Ring-Gai No. 1033, Turramurra NSW, Australia.
Visit my Mother Lodge at http://www.facebook.com/Lodge1033
Follow us at http://www.twitter.com/Lodge1033 ...Tweeting Masonically!
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Rueben Moriarty
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Posted 25/11/2010 20:13:38
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A police officer who stops a man walking erratically down the street in the wee small hours asks where he thinks he's going. The fellow replies..."Officer , I'm on my way to a lecture on Free... hic... Freemasonry, offisher." The Police Officer asks, "But it's 3am, who's going to give you a lecture on Freemasonry at this time of the morning?" Our Hero replies "My Wife when I get home"!
I.G.
Surrey Mason
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colin
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Posted 16/12/2010 04:40:40
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When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this.
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Stu Thorpe
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Posted 16/12/2010 16:07:40
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"Morning Sex"
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Stuart Thorpe
Forum Moderator
Secretary, Forest of Arden Lodge No 3826
IPZ and Scribe E, Shenstonian Chapter No 5544
Junior Warden, Shenstonian Lodge No 5544
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RoughAshlar
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Posted 16/12/2010 17:03:56
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Last Active: 18/08/2011 15:00:20
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DHS
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Posted 21/12/2010 12:06:15
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There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
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Tom Cherup
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Posted 21/12/2010 19:43:32
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Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Bill's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Bill's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Bill sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
Well, I've been here since this morning. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair, and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, Here I am.
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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